People I've exposed myself to recently (or they've seen London, they've seen France)

So, I went to Princeton yesterday for my little pseudo-sister's graduation. As we were walking into the auditorium, right in front of the Newark Boy's Choir a big gust of wind came up behind us, lifting my skirt up into the air, almost over my head, exposing my very grown up, white cotton with lime green polka dots panties to a whole line up of adolescent boys.

Later, as we were walking to the car, I asked Tyler if I had at least had the dignity to avoid having a wedgie while my big potato ass was exposed to the assembled group of pre-pubescents. So, assured that he at least thought that my buttocks were mostly covered, (and that they were probably wondering what grade I was in, based on the aforementioned mature undies) I asked "why didn't you at least try to pull it down?" His reply, I swear, was - "I don't know, I was worried that some sort of crazy Animal House shit would happen. Like, I would try to grab a hem and the whole dress would come off, and then you'd be standing there naked."

Seriously. Right. Like he wasn't just enjoying getting a free peek.

ten things you will never find in my kitchen

You will never find these things in my kitchen:

• Canned fruits or vegetables
  
• Cool-whip
• Processed cheez food of any kind (whiz, spray, individually wrapped "singles.")
  
• Instant rice (Uncle Ben's, Minute Rice, etc.)
• Creepy processed meat products (bologna, pimento loaf, spam, Jeffu's canned toes, etc.)
  
• Ho-ho's, Ring-dings, Twinkies, etc.
  
• Crisco, margarine, butter substitutes of any kind
  
• Non-alcoholic beer
  
• Instant pudding
  
• Pre-chopped garlic
  

Things I never thought I would end up having in my house, but have, and they weren't that bad:

• Instant mashed potatoes (the frozen bag of potato pellets from Trader Joe's may sound unappealing, but they are actually really good if you make them with milk)
• Instant biscuit mix (I know, this is just gross, but sometimes if I want Tyler to help cook, I have to cut some corners)
• Instant coffee (not the Sanka shit or anything, but I do have some instant espresso that I've used for making ice cream)
• Chicken Stock (or broth) from a can (or box). Seriously, I do make my own, but somehow I always run out faster than I can make more, and frankly, I use a lot of stock for stuff, okay?
• Peeled garlic cloves - I bought these when I was making roasted chicken with 40 garlic cloves, and frankly, they are damned convenient. They taste pretty much the same as regular garlic, too.